I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
