There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
honey bunches of taint.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
