epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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