He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
