Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
