I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
