So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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