My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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