ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
How naked do you want me to be?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
