it's like russian roulette but with a penis
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Randomize
