Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
