I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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