I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
