why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
