i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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