I heard we made out
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
