is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
