my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
