i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
