as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
