It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
