GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
