So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
