She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
