How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
