I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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