dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Blood and glitter go together right?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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