i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
