so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
