you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
