In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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