last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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