I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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