Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
