Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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