Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
