maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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