she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
