Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
