he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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