i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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