she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
