Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
