so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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