Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
