The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
