If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Are my feet made of real feet?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
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