And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
