That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
