Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
