well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
so much tequila, so little girl.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
