I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
